


What the hell was that?

by Songs_and_fairytales



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 03:05:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14440107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songs_and_fairytales/pseuds/Songs_and_fairytales
Summary: Liv and Helen could not believe what they’d just witnessed. Professor Malone— or Sister Cantica, or wait, was it River? Whatever her name was, that gorgeous woman had just presented herself with a bow on top to the Doctor, and what had he done? He told her to go ask the TARDIS.





	What the hell was that?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks Sonic for looking this over for me!

Liv and Helen could not believe what they’d just witnessed. Professor Malone — or Sister Cantica, or wait, was it River? Whatever her name was, that gorgeous woman had just presented herself with a bow on top to the Doctor, and what had he done? He told her to go ask the TARDIS. 

___

 

“Doctor, I’m feeling quite  _ TENSE _ .” River says to him in a low, seductive tone. The Doctor looks up and blinks at her. 

 

“Oh yes, that does happen quite often around here,” he states simply, barely sparing River a second glance. River leans into the Doctor’s personal space ands whispers into his ear. He stops fiddling with the gadget in his hand and looks at her for a moment with what Liv and Helen can only assume are the same scandalous thoughts running through their own minds. 

 

“Well there’s a good tub in one of the guest rooms and I’m sure the Tardis would be happy to provide some excellent scrubs and pressure jets for the job.” And with that, River just gapes at him as he goes back to fiddling with his gadget. She turns and walks right past Liv and Helen with mixture of confusion outrage on her face.

 

“How obvious do I have to be, Doctor?!” Liv hears her mutter under her breath. “I mean seriously, I ask if you can help relieve the pressure and you offer me bath jets?” Helen hears as River starts heading up the stairs. 

 

Liv and Helen just stare at each other, dumb-founded. Did they really just witness the Doctor turn down that hair? Those hips? That ass! In that moment the two women look at each other and without words both make a beeline for the Doctor and his stupid gadget. 

 

“What the hell was that?!” Liv screams in his face as she snatches the gadget from his hands. 

 

“That,” says the Doctor as he looks up at Helen, her arms on her hips and a scowl on her brow, “is a type three interspatial sonic telecommunication range extender.” He attempts to grab the gadget back from Liv. “Or at least it would be if I could just get the….OW!” he shouts as Liv smacks the back of his head with her free hand. 

 

“Not that thing, you idiot!” Helen says from his other side. “Why the hell did you send River off to consult with the TARDIS?” 

 

“What do you mean?” says the Doctor, with all the innocence of a puppy being scolded for stealing a sock. “She said she was tense, and I know for a fact that those bath jets do wonders to relieve tension. Charley told me so herself.” He says with a proud grin and an air of triumph in his voice. That elicits another smack on the back of the his head from Liv and a palm to the face from Helen. 

 

“Listen, I don’t know what is wrong with the pair of you,” says the Doctor as he massages the back of his head. “I was just trying to be nice to Sister Cantica. Why that means I get smacked in the head by Liv is beyond me.”

 

“Really, Doctor.  If you truly wanted to be nice, you would go and help the good sister with her problem yourself, if you know what I mean,” Helen says, with a nudge to his shoulder. The Doctor looks at her with confusion again and turns to Liv, begging for explanation with his eyes. Liv rolls her eyes at him. 

 

“Yes Doctor, go and  _ help _ her.” Liv says, putting as much emphasis on the word ‘help’ as she can manage. Still confused and frankly annoyed, the Doctor tries to snatch the gadget back from Liv, who promptly raises it above her head and out of the Doctor’s reach. 

 

“This is ridiculous,” he says as he shakes his head and makes to stand up. “If you won’t give me back the extender, I’ll just go find myself some biscuits and tea. Frankly I could use a good cuppa to deal with the headache Liv has inflicted on me.” 

 

And as the Doctor begins to walk away, Liv lowers herself into the Doctor’s seat with a frustrated sigh. 

 

“How can a genius be so oblivious?” Helen says to the back of his head. 

 

“He may be a genius with tech, but he’s an idiot with everything else,“ Liv says, having given up on getting the Doctor to understand. 

 

“Excuse me!” the Doctor shouts with indignation as he turns back to the pair now seated together and shaking their heads in exasperation. “But I’ll have you know, I am not an idiot!”

 

“Oh yeah?” says Liv with an amused smirk. “Then how could you possibly miss a gorgeous creature like the sister offering herself up on a platter?”

 

Stunned, the Doctor just blinks. 

 

“Seriously, Doctor,” Helen begins with a sigh, “that woman is pure sex, and you still can’t figure out what she’s asking for?”

 

“Umm…” the Doctor stammers. “Well, I mean,” he begins, as a red flush creeps up his neck, “you really think that’s what she meant?”

 

“YES!” They both shout in unison.

 

“And if you don’t go  _ help _ her relieve some tension Doctor,” Helen begins with a rather purposeful stare, “I’m going to go do it for you,” she says as she begins to stand.

 

“Mind if I join?” Liv asks with glee. That jolts the Doctor out of his contemplation. 

 

“No, no, ladies! That won’t be necessary.” He blurts out quickly. “I think I’ll just going to go take care of that myself, “ he says with an excited smile and more than likely, the same naughty thoughts that currently occupied the free space in Liv and Helen’s heads. “Well, I guess I’ll just be off then… you know, just in case the good sister could use some additional assistance.” Liv stares at the Doctor as he practically sprints towards Sister Cantica. 

 

Helen sinks down next to her. “God, that was hard work,” Helen says. 

 

“How anyone would miss those cues is beyond me,” Liv says with yet another shake of her head. 

 

“Oh, I don’t know, Liv,” Helen says as she inches her fingers towards Liv’s prone hand on the bench. “He’s not the only one that seems to be missing some cues,” she finishes, caressing Liv’s pinky with her own. 

 

“Oh!” Liv says, eyes wide.


End file.
